Today was one of those days. It started in the wee hours of the morning, with me up late with insomnia, something I've struggled with for my entire life. I was finally able to fall asleep, only to awake maybe an hour later to Lily thrashing around in her sleep. I changed her diaper, and tried to nurse and soothe her back to sleep, but nothing I or her daddy (with his magic shushing abilities) did could get her to settle. I finally took her out to the rocker in the living room so that my husband could get a few more hours of precious sleep before work.
She finally fell back to sleep while nursing in the rocker. I despaired. I finally made it back into bed, only to suffer an attack from a pinched nerve in my back. There was no sleeping for me last night.
Then the teething. Oh, the teething. No amount of amber teething necklaces, homeopathic tablets, gum rubbing, or teether chewing could alleviate Lily's fussiness today. She wanted to be held by Mama. Constantly.
I finally ended up back in bed with her after trying everything--including a long walk and a car drive--to get her to sleep. I stripped her down to nothing but her diaper, got dressed in a nightgown, and just tried to rest. She instantly fell asleep, and it came over me: how lucky am I? I had a chubby, healthy, adorable baby girl snuggled up to my breast. Her little feet were curled up on top of my thighs. Her sleep-smoothed face looked so peaceful, and it was all I could do not to lean down and inhale that baby hair scent.
It's amazing, and it never fails. On the toughest days, when she finally lets go and allows sleep to come...that's when I love her the most. I guess it is a lot like making up with your husband after a fight. You realize that the bond you have is stronger than any adversity you might face.
I think that's what I love most about motherhood. So far.
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